Day 57
Wow! A whole month since my last post. Well, it’s been a rollercoaster ride. Highs, lows, doing everything I can to stay positive. Still no job, but three possibilities. During the last week and a half, I haven’t meditated, plus I got sick, very sick with the flu, even though I hadn’t gotten sick, not even a headache, for almost a year and a half, and here I get the flu in summer. LOL! The stress just got to me. Knocked me out for five days. But I am back! I will reinstate my meditation practices today.
In the last couple of days, I’ve been thinking, that my focus and dreams have become too small. Today’s message by Joel Osteen invited us to dream bigger. I’ve only been thinking about what I want and need in the short-term and haven’t been dreaming beyond that. I’ve been dreaming small. I am going to do my creative visualizations imagining living the life of my dreams, big dreams. I will first remember to dream instead of just thinking about surviving, and then dream bigger.
This whole experience has tested my faith in a big way. But, my faith is stronger than ever. I haven’t found a job yet, but I will. I haven’t found my soul-mate yet, but I will. It’s day 57 and it will all come to pass. So, today I begin anew my meditations after a week and a half of not meditating, I’d almost given up. And then I got the flu. I was tired. Weak. Exhausted. Disillusioned. Afraid. But I am renewed. I have faith. I’ve always had it. So I say out loud and clear. Lord, I believe.
I’m closer than ever with three second and third interviews in place. And I am expectant of miracles! I had an amazing weekend and look forward to telling you about all of the miracles that took place this week.
Remember to dream big.
Day 23
I cannot believe 13 days have passed! They’ve flown by with every single day containing small and incredible MIRACLES!!!
In my earlier posts I wrote that I am looking for a job. For three months NOTHING happened. No calls, no emails, NOTHING. NADA. Zilch. ZERO!! Well, things have changed.
I’ve had interviews almost every day, sometimes two in a day!!! The week before last I got multiple calls, and had multiple interviews as I did again this week. This week began with two interviews on Monday, another one on Tuesday, another on Wednesday, and a call back today! PLUS, in between I got two out-of-the-blue calls to submit my resume. These are all miracles. I think I’ve had at least nine interviews in the last 13 days. I kid you not.
I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that before this I didn’t believe that God would answer my prayers, and I know now that He does. I’ve always been someone who believed I could and should handle things alone. I never asked for help. And although I have incredible friends, really amazing close, lifelong friends, I always felt that I had no one I could lean on. I’ve learned through this experiment that I am not alone and that I can lean on God. I’ve also learned that God gives us gifts, daily, and it is up to us to accept them or use them.
In the past couple of weeks, I haven’t run much. I’ve been distracted by the preparations for the interviews. But I will get back on track this weekend, and do a 4.5 mile run tomorrow Friday, and another 4.5 on Sunday.
I’ve been meditating daily, and writing the equivalent of a page a day in my visualization journal. My meditation is getting better and I definitely feel more peaceful. I BELIEVE.
Another interesting thing that’s happened in the last couple of weeks is that I look better. I look younger.
SO:
- I’ve been meditating daily
- writing in my creative visualization journal the equivalent of a page daily
- running weekly, except the week before last, and will make up the nine miles this weekend for this week
- Been praying daily, and thanking God for his SUPERNATURAL Blessings daily.
RESULTS:
- Approximately nine interviews in the last 13 days. Out of those, one was a second interview for a job I REALLY want; another a second interview as a referral from a recruiter; a first interview with a company to whom I’d sent multiple resumes for different positions
- Four out-of-the-blue calls or referrals from people that found me, instead of me seeking them out
- I look better.
So, I have great expectations for amazing things. I’ll keep you posted!! I wish you all Supernatural Favor and Supernatural Blessings!
Days 8-10
Wow. Hadn’t realized so many days had passed since my last update. Today was a great day! Actually, these last few days have been awesome. I’ve stayed on my daily meditations. Most importantly, I continue to believe that there are more great things in store for me. During my daily creative visualization yesterday I realized that God offers us gifts every day, and it is up to us to accept them. There have been so many relationships I have thrown away, so many opportunities I have wasted, so many days un-seized, so many of my own personal gifts that I have not valued. I will be more conscious of this going forward and more careful to nurture, accept, and receive the special gifts He blesses me with. I failed to recognize them as such in the past, but I know I will see them in the future.
The intention I set for this week was to get to interviews in my continued search for a new and wonderful job. I am very happy to say that I got to interviews, one for tomorrow and one for next week! Woohoo! I am so happy. I know I will do well and will be offered a great job within the next few weeks.
I’ve been feeling a greater peace. I feel steadier and stronger. I feel happy.
So far, 10 days of meditation. I think I skipped one day of writing in my journal for my creative visualization, but my running is on target. I have, however, completely forgotten about meditating and praying over my food. In any case, the results have been great.
MEDITATION + PRAYING + ACTION + EXERCISE + NEW ACTIONS + VISUALIZATION + 100% BELIEF
= SUPERNATURAL RESULTS!
So, the scoreboard for to-date:
ACTIONS:
- Meditated four out of the five days running so far.
- Did my creative visualization writing, all five days.
- Regular tweeting
- Running as per my schedule, except Tuesday .
- Worked on the story arc for the novel I am writing.
RESULTS:
- One new client on Day 2!
- One supernatural connection on Day 2!
- Two other supernatural connections on Day 1!
- Two new job interviews!
OK. So, I look forward to seeing what’s next!
Days 5-7
UNRELATED NEWS: Osama bin Laden is dead. A moment in world history. Remarkable. God Bless America. I love this country. I love New York.
—————————-
So, back to me and my 90 days. I’ve been meditating daily, and doing my writings. BUT, totally forgot about meditating over my food. That’s OK, though. :-) I’ll take it on now. Also, I’ve made some supernatural connections! Met some great new people. I can feel that I am more open, more relaxed.
Today I did my usual Sunday run, 4.5 miles, probably a little more. Will have to measure it later. But it was awesome. What a ridiculously gorgeous day. There were thousands and thousands of people in the park, and on the streets. The trees are blooming, and there are flowers everywhere. 
Well, I am too distracted by the Osama news to focus too much on this, but I can say that I had a wonderful weekend. I am happy. At peace. I love my life. And, I look forward to a wonderful week. I can’t wait to share all of the Supernatural Blessings I received this week. I will continue my meditations, and writings, and creative visualizations. :-)
God Bless America.
New Daily Action
I am going to take on praying and meditating over my food for health, wealth, and love!
Day 3 and Day 4
It was a good day yesterday, but absolutely nothing happened that was extraordinary. I almost lost my conviction of believing for the supernatural breakthroughs, but I stuck it out and went for an amazing run by the Hudson River. That was all it took! It was a gorgeous day and it felt like spring! Spring arrives in New York City. FINALLY!! My runs are getting easier, and I did several uphill legs which were relatively easy. Am going to have to up the ante to make my runs more challenging.
At night, I was working on another post for my other blog, and didn’t finish until around 5:00 AM so I didn’t do my meditation, or my post for this blog, but I did do my one page creative visualization. So today, I’m getting an early start.
One of the things I realized yesterday by watching Dancing with the Stars, and the Biggest Loser, is that I am really not very competitive. I always strive to be good at what I do, and I am, but I don’t specifically put myself in competitive situations. At least I haven’t in a really, really long time. I’m afraid of losing, I think. But, at the same time, by not competing I’m not winning. I’m not in the race…for anything, except in a race against time. That is going to change. I am going to change it.
Today I continued my job search by sending out five resumes. I’m exciting and looking forward to what my new job brings. In the meantime, though, I am going to start tomorrow to pay more attention to gaining more consulting opportunities. I did acquire a new client on Monday, and am thrilled about that, and I look forward to gaining more business in the next couple of days.
My strategy for these ninety days include the following formula:
MEDITATION + PRAYING + ACTION + EXERCISE + NEW ACTIONS + VISUALIZATION + 100% BELIEF
= SUPERNATURAL RESULTS!
So, the scoreboard for to-date:
ACTIONS:
- Meditated four out of the five days running so far.
- Did my creative visualization writing, all five days.
- Sent out 13 resumes in the last three days.
- One new blog post on my professional blog
- Daily tweeting
- Running as per my schedule
RESULTS:
- One new client on Day 2!
- One supernatural connection on Day 2!
- Two other supernatural connections on Day 1!
Hey, that’s pretty good for just a few days! I look forward to sharing more supernatural and extraordinary results! I believe!
Day 2
Great things are in store! There is an amazing future in front of me.
Yesterday was Day 1, and I did my 10-minute meditation, my one-page creative visualization, and listened to my Joel Osteen recording, and today, I woke up expecting to have a great day and I did! I was productive and experienced a supernatural connection that came out of the blue! I received a call from someone in another state that was referred to me by a person I hadn’t heard from in a while! The person who had referred me is someone who stood me up three times for a meeting! I didn’t think I would hear from her again, and I wasn’t really interested in speaking to her after the third time she had stood me up, but that doesn’t matter: I expected supernatural connections and I got one! The person she referred me to was great, and I am going to work on a project for them! Can you believe it? I can.
Another great thing about today was that I felt the belief in life, and a knowing that everything is going to be amazing. During today’s meditation I had a revelation…the realization that I have a voice. When I was younger, my father always let it be known that we shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves. We were encouraged NOT to express ourselves. Anything above a relatively low voice would mean that I would be immediately shushed, sometimes rather harshly. He also always, always, challenged anything I ever had to say. I always had to defend my statements, my opinions, anything I said was attacked. So although he meant it as a way to literally challenge us—to help us grow—I wasn’t ready for that as a child and I see how it created in me a sense of verbal and communicative rebellion and aggressiveness. There is a harshness in my communication that I now see perhaps stemmed from that early experience. My father is amazing and great, and the best father in the world. He is a noble, honest, and hard-working man; the best man I’ve ever known. But, he grew up in a boarding school, as did my mother, and the nuns encouraged silence and quiet, uniformity, and this is what I was taught. However, my natural inclination was always just the opposite, so I always rebelled. But when I got older and my father wasn’t always there to shush me, guess what…I shushed myself!
I. SHUSHED. MYSELF!!!!!
I stifled my own voice and any time I have something to say, give an opinion, I seem to do it in a rebellious way. This has affected my ability to go up the corporate ladder and build relationships with powerful people whom I’ve been fortunate enough to meet. I think I’ve always felt that my opinion wasn’t valuable, wouldn’t be listened to, and that I didn’t make a difference to those with authority. Crazy, huh? And although I’ve had some great jobs, I’ve stayed self-employed by a 3:1 ratio! Three years of self-employment for every one year of working for somebody else. A “rebellious” tone of voice doesn’t sit well with bosses and although I always excelled at my jobs, I often left the company dissatisfied. I even remember that in a seminar I did, someone said I had a “F@!%* You” attitude. That didn’t sit well with me at the time but now I realize it was true. I’m smart, extremely capable, and efficient, and I’ve always wondered what held me back, and now I see it. Clear as day.
When I wasn’t being rebellious, I was busy stifling myself. One of things this “auto-shushing” has caused is that I do not to write for myself, in my own voice. That is, until now. You see, I’m a professional writer, but I’ve always written for business…copy for brochures, presentations, proposals, media kits, press releases, etc. Always on behalf of someone else. Always in someone else’s voice. But no longer.
I HAVE A VOICE. I have a valuable opinion. I offer insight. I have something to contribute. I wish to contribute to others and allow others to contribute to me with their insight and opinion.
The truth is, I’ve wanted to write a blog about something for a long a time, but because of my belief that no one would be interested in what I had to say, I didn’t dare write a single word in my own voice, representing myself, my views, or my experiences. But, I no longer have this fear of not being heard, or of no one being interested. It’s OK if no one is interested. I’m hoping to contribute to someone by sharing, but mostly, this exercise of writing this very personal experience in a very public venue, is for me. I have a voice and I will use it. And on Day 2, the experience has already proven to be extremely valuable with insights that will change my life forever.
I expect even greater things for tomorrow.
Day 1
Happy Easter! Today is the official start of my ninety days toward a created life. It feels good. I ran my 4.5 miles in Central Park, around the reservoir, and through the park. It was a beautiful day in the city, blue skies, 74 degrees, sunny, and gorgeous. The park was packed with runners, walkers, tourists, picnickers, dog walkers, kids, families, couples, cyclists…it seemed everyone was there savoring the spring weather. On my way back home from my run, I stopped by to pick up some magazines for my vision board. More on today’s activities later.
Although today is Day 1, I began yesterday with my practices. I did my 10-minute meditation and had a wonderful experience and feeling of gratitude for my new job. I could see and feel what the day looked like when I received the call to tell me I had the job. It was very real to the point where I am feeling the gratitude again right now. I also wrote two pages of visualization. I thought I’d have a hard time writing a paragraph, so writing two pages straight is good news to me.
What this new venture is about is creating breakthroughs in my life! Accessing new realms and creating wonderful things and experiences I couldn’t have imagined. Incredibly, I had ordered a CD from Joel Osteen a few days ago and it arrived yesterday. I listened to it, and the first disc, previously unbeknownst to me was called, Believing for a Supernatural Year. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. And, I discovered something incredible…
All this time, although I’ve believed in God, I don’t think I’ve ever believed that he could answer my prayers. I was shocked to realize this but in listening to the CD, I realized what true belief really is. I have wholeheartedly believed in God my whole life, and am happy to now wholeheartedly believe in his answering my prayers. Funny, but I had forgotten that he has already answered my prayers many times, but I often failed to recognize it. This time, I have my eyes, heart, and soul open.
So, back to today, during my run I did some releasing. I went through and thought about all of the things I wanted to let go, and what I wanted to create in its place. For example, I released fear, and gained courage. I released insecurity and gained confidence and security, and so on. I also realized that how I feel mirrors my experience. So, I’ve been feeling insecure, or in other words, a lack of security, and that is what I’ve had, a lack of security not only in how I feel about myself, but also in my life experience. We all know this is the case intellectually, but I really saw how it has manifested in my life.
OK, to make room for all of these great things I am creating in my life, I also threw away bags of old papers and files I’d been holding onto for I don’t know what reason. I shredded while I listened to the CD and time flew by. It was great. I put the CD onto my iPod so I can listen to it when I go to bed. It was the beginning of spring cleaning, within myself and my apartment! I also began on my vision board, but was only able to find five images in four magazines I bought. I will continue collecting images during the week to have a completed vision board by next weekend!
Sidebar: Something interesting that happened today is that I found a penny. Right in front of my left foot. I’ve always considered finding a penny a “sign” that I am on the right path, and that things are OK. For the last two months I haven’t found a SINGLE penny. Not one. And today, I stepped, one millimeter in front of one, looked down at exactly the right time to see it, I picked it up and smiled. Although it’s silly, I felt like everything was going to be OK.
Well, that’s a wrap and I look forward to seeing what great things will occur tomorrow!
90 Days: An experiment.
My life is a mess. It doesn’t look like it, but it is.
Here are the facts:
I live in my dream city, New York City and I love it here. My family has good health, a good home, and although sometimes they are annoying, there is deep love in our family. My parents are educated, as am I. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Business from a private university. I have very good health, never get sick, and run anywhere between three to four-and-a-half miles, at least three times a week. I live in what is considered a great neighborhood, the Upper West Side. People are educated, well-bred, and relatively quiet. The streets are clean, safe, and peaceful. The building I live in is considered a luxury building, with a doorman, concierge, and security. It sits waterfront overlooking the Hudson River. It’s a beautiful place to live. I am truly, truly blessed. And I know it.
Now, here is what is beneath that:
My job: In 2009, I was laid-off in the midst of the worst recession in U.S. history. I was publisher of a magazine, and worked for a company whose name is known in almost every household in the country. I loved my job, although the politics in the place was stifling and oftentimes, unbearable. I’m not good at politics, but I’m good at my job and what I do. I was doing well with a successful magazine and product re-launch, and higher than expected profits. But people, whole departments, were being laid off. Myself, and three of my fellow publishers were moved from spacious private offices to an open common area shared with order-takers and marketing coordinators. The seven of us had had approximately 500 square feet of space, at most, including files, desks, chairs, etc. It was bad. We knew our heads were on the chopping block, we just didn’t know when the axe would come down. To top it off, my boss was an asshole. I’ve never had to work with such a person. He outright lied, manipulated, and flaunted his position and perks while ours were all being stripped away. The stress was so bad, I got hives. Broke out from one day to the next. To give you an idea of what a dick this guy was here is an example of a typical conversation with him the day I went back to work.
“How are you doing today? I heard you got hives,” he said widening lifting his eyebrows a little.
“Yes, I did. It was bad, but I am better now, thank you for asking,” I replied taking out my files, ready to get to work.
“You know, my wife is a doctor. Where exactly did you get them,” he asked.
I sat mouth slightly agape, stumped, not sure what the question had to do with anything or how to answer, plus, I had red blotches still visible on my face and arms. Before I could answer, though, he continued.
“Did you get any here,” he asked taking both his hands and making a little “V” with them, pointing toward his crotch.
Shocked, I just said, “No. Just on my face and arms.” And with that I moved on to the next subject. I knew it was completely inappropriate, but considering the precarious situation I was in, I let it go.
Bottom line: Finally, in May of 2009, the axe came down with anti-climatic force. I was laid-off. HR asked to meet with me via an Outlook invite! We were to meet in the conference room. And so I went, and the fatal blue folder was pushed across the conference room table by the HR Director. I was told I could be present when my entire team was let go. Of course, I opted to be there. They were let go en masse. It was brutal. There were people there who had spent 13 years or more with the company. In any case, we were all casualties. We were told we didn’t have to return to work the next day. I didn’t, but I know others did. I was done, and ready to move on. And I did. Within a week I had a secured a consulting gig, at a monthly rate that equaled less than what I’d made in a week as publisher, but at least, it was something.
In any case, cut to a year and nine months later, and here I am unemployed again with my savings running out. If I run out of savings, I will have to move back to Miami, a city I do not like, and most likely back in with my parents until I find a job. Plus, living in New York, I don’t have a car. I turned in my Mercedes Benz, three years ago when I moved to New York.
Relationships:
I haven’t been in a serious relationship in 10 years, and haven’t gone on a date in about nine months to a year. I lost count. I’m divorced, and prior to my last long-term relationship which lasted three years until I was 29 years old, I had dated steadily, going from relationship to relationship. Guys were literally fighting over me. And after my last relationship ended, I fell in love with a married man. I never pursued it, although we were very close friends, and he fell in love with me, too. I couldn’t be a part of a situation that destroyed a family. He had kids. He had to arrive at that decision on his own. He didn’t, and moved out of the country. We never kissed. Nothing ever happened. But I fell deeply in love with him and mourned the loss for over a year. But since then, even though I’ve been interested in dating, it’s been honestly, sporadic with more one-night stands than anything else. What the hell happened? I have no clue. And if I ever want to have kids, I’m in trouble, you see, here’s the thing, I’m turning 40 this year.
Question: How the FUCK did I get here?
It’s a been a rough few months. I have to tell you. I won’t go into other details, but I’m done with this bullshit. It’s time to create a breakthrough. Although I’ve meditated and envisioned, and prayed, and asked others to pray for me, and created intentions, and vision boards, and the whole f’ing spectrum of things, I have to honestly confess, that it hasn’t been consistent. And the results have been, well, refer to the section above. BUT, I still BELIEVE so I am going to try something different and share my experience with the ethers and give it all I’ve got with concentrated intention and action for the next ninety days.
Here is what I commit to:
· Create a new vision board. Although I’ve created vision boards in the past, this one will be different. I promise I will clean my soul out tonight, and as I am doing with this letter to the Universe, bare all.
· Be honest: Hold nothing back. Be honest with myself and with the Universe. I am tired of the bullshit I’ve created in my own life. I am so full of shit it is incredible. It’s not pretty. In fact, it’s ugly. The truth is ugly, but I am willing to work through all of this.
· Daily gratitude: I will every day give thanks for all of the blessings that I do get to enjoy. As I stated in the beginning of this post, there are many. I am by all means, fortunate.
· Daily creative visualization: Every day I will spend at least one page of writing in my journal a creative vision of what I want my life to be. One page. No less. I will then visualize that creation in my mind through and release into the Universe through meditation.
· Daily meditation and inner sunshine: Every day I will meditate for at least ten minutes. In this meditation, I will envision inner sunshine through a practice I created (with spectacular results when I’ve used it) called “Smiling Meditation” in which I smile, in my meditation creating an inner smile, and inner light, that radiates throughout my body. I envision it reaching out of me in an aura-like fashion.
· Cleaning up the mess. Cleaning up the mess I’ve left behind with people and things. This includes apologizing where needed. This alone will keep me busy.
· Living with integrity. I will restore integrity in my life. This means something different for everyone, I know what it means for me.
· Following through on what I start. I have several projects that I’ve started, which I will put out there. I’ve let them sit, letting people down, not following through. I will now follow through on those projects.
· Writing in this digital diary. I am not a person who shares much. I listen. And listen. My friends complain that I don’t talk enough about myself, so here I go. I promise to share.
· Trying new things and moving in new ways. I notice that I do the same things, talk the same way, behave in the same manner, and have built a world of sameness around me that hasn’t allowed me to break through, just settle in deeper to this same world. THEN, I wonder why everything continues the same without breakthroughs. No more. I am creating new patterns for breakthroughs.
Here is what I want to create:
· Within 20 days: Income at least $15,000 more a year than what I was earning as publisher in 2008/2009. Plus bonus.
· Within 90 days: A relationship with an awesome man who is honest, faithful, loyal, smart, funny, athletic, successful, happy, and attractive.
· Within 90 days: A complete manuscript for my fiction book that is inspired, well-written, fun and interesting to read.
· Within 90 days: An online platform as an author.
· Within 90 days: Run a 5k race.
· Within six months: My manuscript has been accepted by a publishing house and will be published as a book.
· Withinn90 days: Amazing and wonderful breakthroughs that I never imagined! My experience will reach people and make a difference in their lives.
I may add to this list as I go along, but this is what I am creating for now.
Day 1 is tomorrow, Easter Sunday. The day of Jesus’s resurrection. Perhaps it will be the resurrection of me and my life to a better life, the life of my dreams, a life that I actively created, instead of a life that I let create me.
